Dear CBS,

I love you, but "The Price is Right" sucks.

Drew just goes through the motions, never completely going through the rules. The announcer mugs the camera, is mentioned by name as though he's a sidekick and appears in far too many camera shots with white tape all over his fingers.

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When did you lose control of this show?

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Did you decide to spay & neuter the memory of Bob Barker?

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I know you're truth.

Your ratings are falling or will.

You'll be desperate.

Your cosmetic changes were gift wrapping for a pile of shit.

It stinks.

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I truly believe Drew Carey sees this as a career ender and his agent is actively pursuing other "more credible" opportunities for him as we speak. I suspect he took the job because his agent recommended he do so, "just to keep his face on television, but don't be a game show host. Be Drew Carey, instead." This explains why he throws things away, tosses to the announcer by name instead of the next item up for bids. You're getting a late night show audition, which is most likely his goal. Not hosting "The Price is Right". I thought Rosie O'Donnell would have been atrocious. Drew Carey isn't too far off. All you cosmetic changes to the show are what I describe as gift wrapping a pile of shit.

I can help. I happen to have a closeness to the show and the network. I fell in love in 1973 with

"Match Game". I was there in 1974 at the beginning. From the moment the show started,

I said out loud, "Oh look, Bob Barker finally has a hit." I was 14 years old.

 

I hated "Truth or Consequences. Hit show, bad choice for Bob. A flop.

 

I'm a CBS fan.

I'm also Gene Rayburn, Lucille Ball, Bert Convey, Jack Narz, Peter Tomarken, Craig Ferguson

and yes, even Bob Barker.

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My beginning to help fix this was to start at the beginning. 

"The NEW Price is Right", but this time, switch, and let your children play the games. Not with a bunch of stupid baby games no kid would like, but the same games as the adults.

"We can do it too, you know".

 

I CONCUR.

 

From there the tree of thought grew. 

 "The Young & The Restless" will benefit. Up the ladder, "The Talk" will benefit.

 

Wait a minute. "The Talk"? That's Julie Chen's show. Julie Chen!? She'd be PERFECT to anchor "The CBS Evening News". I don't care who she's married to or what ANYONE MIGHT say about it, she's a credible journalist in her own right and by the way, I'm the one who came up with the idea and I don't know either one of them personally.

 

We're about to elect the first woman president in our history. While Donald shows us someone who did not take it seriously enough to prepare and does lines of cocaine beforehand to keep his energy spunked, what better choice is it than JULIE CHEN to be the one representing your network saying on election night before all the votes are tabulated and coked up Donald manages to carry only 3 states by then, "This network officially proclaims Hillary Rodham Clinton as the 45th president of the United States, the first woman in history to have held as many national offices successfully, has just made history herself.

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Mrs. Clinton is PASSIONATE about children. Always was. Have you seen her ads about this, showing snippets of speeches throughout her government life? It ends with "I'm Hillary Rodham Clinton, and I've always approved this message"

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Now, CBS CARES means a whole lot more.

(consider animating the CBS Eye to wink; loving, not sarcastic)

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As for "The NEW Price is Right", why not give everyone in the studio audience prizes, too? What's wrong with printing "The NEW Price is Right" T-shirts, with "CBS CARES" on the reverse? 

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Nothing. 

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What about the home audience? Why can't they win also?

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They can, by sending in a request with their name, address, phone number and email, and CBS will, including the stamp they used to mail it. 

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Lottery elements do not exist, and all is perfectly legal.

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Nielsen is fine with it as long as it is standard, not specific only during rating periods.

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I have a lot of station management & programming experience. I've pitched networks and studios at least twice each. My show, "Balls of Steel" was optioned by Disney. "RocQuiz", a show I created and hosted, was optioned by Shelley Duvall for her Think Entertainment after watching our $80,000 pilot directed by Bill Carruthers, Jr. 

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EVERYONE IS A WINNER ON

"The NEW Price is Right"

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"Everyone is a winner who WATCHES

"The NEW Price is Right".

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There's everything right about all that.

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Any rating for the existing anywhere less than double digits stinks.

I know you're half that now, and steadily declining.

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Gee, have you watched it? You sure can't hear it when your announcer drops his volume to half for prize reads the sponsors pay the show for. Elderly viewers will get angry eventually, changing channels because "I can't hear it sometimes". I'm not that old, and I even shouted at the television, "What is he saying? Why is his volume half?"

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I recommend RANDY WEST as the announcer. You already know him from his audition (and 2 week on-air trial) for the job, rejecting him because "he sounded too much like Rod Roddy", who happened to be a close friend of Randy's. So was Johnny Olsen. Randy wrote a book abouit Johnny, and was the announcer for "The Price is Right" live at Bally's Hotel, Las Vegas,

which he invited me to see, and did.

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We've been friends for over 35 years. I've hired him on multiple occasions to do VO for "RocQuiz", "Stairclimber Plus with Bruce Jenner" and was the announcer for "Hit the Deck!", the game show pilot I hosted for The Travel Channel, which tested very well. I, in fact, was told I tested "through the roof".

In spite of this, The Travel Channel chose to do an about face and passs on the show because they did not believe their audience would watch game shows.

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Randy West is perfect. We have socialized as friends the entire time I've known him. It was he who invited me to see a taping of "The Price is Right" starring Bob Barker at CBS. Seated in production row, when the doors opened anmd Bob was introduced, his eyes immediately fixed on mine his entire stride downstage. He obviously knew me.

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Read for yourselves what Randy thinks (received 09/28/2016):

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The changes I propose will double the existing with continuous, steady growth, benefitting the network not only in that time period, but throughout.

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You'll broaden your base, going from women 25-49 to women 18-54. WOMEN ARE MATERNAL. They'll embrace the changes while their children and grandchildren are off to school and that's all they can think of while they're there, then what do you think will clench their hearts most during it?

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OTHER PEOPLE'S KIDS, and aren't they fun and funny to watch.

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Meet your new host, the biggest kid of all,

me, Ron(nie) Maestri.

I still buy toys.

I'm 56 years old going on 14.

I play practical jokes.

I offered a child I was babysitting $20 at the Burger King if he would run up to the counter and throw his happy meal toy at the guy behind the counter who sold it to us, and shout "This toy sucks!"

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I have 3-6's in my birthday: 

06-15-60

Not 3 perfect sixes since the 1 and 5 add up to six.

I'm a little devil.

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I installed a 12 foot round, 3 foot deep swimming pool in my 4th floor artist loft

in downtown Los Angeles because when it was shown to me the first time, I remarked about the concrete floor. "This floor is great. It could probably hold a water bed"
 

"Oh yeah, it could hold a waterbed, no sweat."

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Come to think of it, it's really sturdy. It could probably even hold, I don't know, a pool.

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"Oh, it could definitely hold a pool".

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Bingo.

Up goes pool.

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I find the funny.

I am naturally funny.

I don't do jokes. I am the joke.

A walking, talking, improv savvy, KLUTZ. I'm "I Love Lucy", a Desilu Production. 

MY PARENTS LOOKED EXACTLY LIKE THEM.

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Mindy Sterling trained me at The Groundlings.

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I love make other people the stars, not me.

I would INSIST on also doing warm-up for EVERY show. My stand-up experience found me most as M.C. connecting directly to each and every one, so when I'm on stage and the moment is proper (pointing out someone), "Ok Wisconsin, I'm watching you."

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A new dimension I call 3

(3-D)

 

I'm not a host. I'm a master of ceremonies, and I involve all in the fun and the excitement, instead of just going through the motions. What happened? Drew's trademark glasses weren't his? Of course not. I'm guessing CBS was served with a cease and desist for that one, a small clause in his contract neither Drew or his agent bothered to mention before they signed the deal.

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Dump him and the announcer. They both must've planned to do the show their own way, and your crew had no intention of interfering so you, CBS, would see your great choices for yourself.

Good for them. Bad for you. The truth hurts, sorry.

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Move along little doggy.

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Back to surgery on a new and improved show:

Make the contestants part of the game . Instead of a cardboard character electronically walking up the cliff, have the contestants do it on a giant mountain you could wheel in.

Contestants in cars on a track, etc. Larger than life now within it.

 

Change the title, if you wish to"

"The Prize is Priced"

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Even more dimension.

 

SAMPLE promo:

Things are changing on CBS

(cut to multiple show outakes)

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VO Announcer: It's "The Price is Right", with a NEW twist.

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KIDS!

(cut to: fast edit multiple applicable scenes from the show, audio and video)

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VO Announcer: Everything's changing on CBS, including the title. Introducing

"The Prize is Priced", the all NEW Price is Right.

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Same great games.

Same great fun.

Brand new host.

Brand new announcer.

Now with dollars AND cents,

(cut to: close wins by pennies)

 

VO Announcer (continued) and the contestants are now a part of every game

(cut to: multiple quick edits of applicable scenes from the show, audio & video.)

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It's "The Prize is Priced", The All NEW Price is Right, weekdays on CBS.

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I believe the best advice for any news organization is to make yourselves the news. Debut all of this simultaneously before the November election, and CBS will make headlines EVERYWHERE.

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You'll have a presence in schools by kids wearing your T-shirts, where no corporate advertising is allowed.

 

Your promotions department will have a field day.

 

Corporations, private citizens will join in by contributing what they can and how towards our children's future education.

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And it all started by CBS because CBS Cares.

So will America.

CBS will be the #1 network for all time, and no other network (or combination) will even come close.

For all time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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